Weaver's Week 2001-12-31

Weaver's Year: 2001

With the calendar resolutely running out of pages, it must be time for a review of the year past. In the spirit of the modern awards show, I've created a bunch of categories, and given them to shows.

For the purposes of this review, "new" shows are those that premiered on UK television after Jan 1, 2001.

BEST NEW SHOW FROM A UK FORMAT: THE WAITING GAME
Three contestants, one question, the first to buzz in gets the points. But if you wait, there are more points on offer. From this simple dilemma flows a show of amazing complexity and high drama, with Ruby Wax adding her incomparable wit and sarcasm to proceedings.

BEST NEW SHOW FROM AN IMPORTED FORMAT: THE MOLE
Ten contestants are working to win a grand cash jackpot. Only, one of them is working against the team's best interests. This gives us a series of one-off challenges, and one metagame, to find the mole. Some superb challenges in the second series invited members to play as individuals, not for the team. Many of the challenges could become shows in their own right.

BEST NEW DAYTIME SHOW: NUMBER ONE
Ten contestants fight to be the super brain of the day, and win lots of money. Do this by answering questions correctly, but avoid the lower reaches, where a single slip means you're out. Perhaps not the most difficult concept to grasp, but the quality contestants and great hosting by debutant Krishnan Guru- Murphy made for an addictive show.

BEST NEW SHOW FROM A FORMAT THAT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN AROUND FOR DONKEY'S YEARS: LOST!

Drop three pairs of contestants, and a producer-cameraman, somewhere on the planet. Challenge them to get back to Britain with $200 and their charm. Sit back and let the fun commence. Viewers will have seen voyages of discovery through Africa, the insides of Venezuela, and the first game show ever to visit Iran. Also...

BEST SABOTAGE (1): Mags and Paul in LA.
Worried that they would be pipped at the post, the leaders slipped a spoof instruction to the other teams. "Go to a restaurant, where the maitre d' will give you more help." The restaurant knew nothing of the show, and the delay cost defending champion James his title.

BEST BLOW UP (1): Zi Khan, THE MOLE
The producers couldn't have known what they were letting themselves in for when they booked Zi for the Jersey series. As the game developed, it became increasingly clear that Zi was frustrated by the failures of the team, and he demonstrated his annoyance. At very high volume, and with enough emotion to make C5's bleep machine explode. Zi won the series, and £100,000.

BEST SATELLITE SHOW: DEFECTORS (Mast Media for Challenge TV)
Getting the audience to vote on the outcome of an event is nothing new. Incorporating this into the scoring was done some years ago on YOU BET. But awarding a prize to the most accurate audience member, that's novel. And asking the contestants why we should trust them on a subject can give many fun moments. Including...

BEST COMEDY (UNINTENTIONAL):

Defectors host Richard Orford: Christina, why trust you?
Contestant: Er, erm, [stares straight into the camera, like a bunny
caught in the glare of the headlight] er, erm, [clearly panicking]
er, trust me because.
[Time expires]
Orford: Brilliant.

MOST CURIOUS IDEA: TOUCH THE TRUCK

Send Dale Winton to a shopping mall in Essex, and hope he never comes back. Surround him by twenty people all eager to win a vehicle, and add "expert" commentary to pad out a nightly 30 minute programme. Hope that the challenge lasts long enough to fill all five transmission days; pray that it doesn't last beyond the final show. This didn't so much make good television as the sort of programme that you can't avoid watching, like a car crash.

MOST OVER-HYPED: SURVIVOR
Over on the mailing list, we've been wondering whether POPSTARS, POP IDLE and its ilk qualify as game shows. On the grounds that the former probably doesn't, and the latter won't finish until next February, the award for hype goes to the other plank of ITV's campaign for the year. Survivor was trailed heavily, and touted as the last word in reality shows. Yet the opening episode was so dull that viewers deserted in their droves, resulting in an embarrassing retreat as ITV had to cut to one episode per week. For the huge gap between expectation and actuality, the show wins.

BEST TIE-IN BOOK: SURVIVOR
Any book that can make sense of that show deserves to win.

MOST DISAPPOINTED LOCALS: A Small Village In Peru
While filming THE RACE, all four teams descended on a small mountain village in Peru. The locals thought that this would provide them with a ticket to fame, fortune, and prosperity. They held a parade to welcome the camera crew to town. The footage aired to perhaps 100,000 viewers on ITV2.

BEST BLOW UP (2): Who can forget Stuart's drunken outbursts on BIG BROTHER? He voices the opinion of the viewing nations by calling Penny a painted slapper; a week later, he goes on the attack against Amma and promptly sentences himself to an early eviction.

BEST SABOTAGE (2): Tanya Buck, mole on the second series, found some brilliant ways to spoil the contestants' fun. Perhaps her greatest sabotage was in episode 5's egg game, where a successfully feigned injury cost the team £20,000. Light the blue touchpaper and retire...

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR: THE PEOPLE VERSUS
When it first aired in summer 2000, it was clear that TPV needed a lot of work. Almost a year later, it returned to the screens as a teatime game, hosted by the charming Kaye Adams. There was action, there was tension, and the show had suddenly discovered the magic sticky factor the original format lacked. Adding canned crowd wasn't such a smart move, but let's not quibble about small details. TPV is back, and back for good.

SHOULDN'T HAVE COMEBACK OF THE YEAR: MASTERMIND

Now appearing on the Discovery channel, hosted by smug barrister Clive Anderson. And with "tense" music behind the oh- so-short rounds. We're only watching to follow the progress of sometime FIFTEEN TO ONE regular Anthony Martin.

COMEBACK OF NEXT YEAR: X-FIRE
The paintball action adventure show, supremely hosted by Ed Hall, was taken off half way through its thirteen week run, ostensibly because viewers were confusing it with the real war in Afghanistan. Weaver reckons it was all to squeeze in yet another episode of dreary soap HOLLYOAKS. C4 promises to air the remaining episodes in the new year. We're on your case. The runner up in this category won...

BIZARRE CHOICE OF HOST OF THE YEAR: SHAFTED
The game show with everything one could desire - prizes limited only by greed, a scoring system so simple even ITV's accountants could keep up, and the possibility that the prize payout would be 0p. Unfortunately, it also had Robert Kilroy- Silk sliming his way through the show, oozing smugness and disingenuity. Shafted will return in the new year, it says here.

BIZARRE SCHEDULING MOVE OF THE YEAR: COUNTDOWN's extra minutes Unchanged since the channel launched in 1982 - Richard Whiteley's puns were new then - Countdown finally moved with the times - a little - this autumn. It gained fifteen minutes and six new rounds. The result is that a short, sedate parlour game has turned into an intellectual marathon that is just too long for its own good. There was a perfectly workable 45 minute format, known as The Final, but the producers chose to ignore it.

BEST BLOW UP (3): Tanya's bomb. The destructive powers of the green gloop came as a surprise to everyone, including she who set it off.

BEST COMEDY (INTENTIONAL): BANZAI
This daft fake Japanese betting show, voiced by Bert Kwock, started life as the funniest thing on new cabsat channel E4. Transferring to terrestrial Channel 4, Banzai gained a reputation for some of the most bizarre stunts ever seen. To which Radiohead record are the grannies dancing? How long can Mr Handshake shake hands with a celebrity? Place bets now. This is either the funniest thing on television, or totally unfunny; I'm yet to come across anyone who finds it mildly amusing.

TURKEY OF THE YEAR: IT'S NOT THE ANSWER
Hosted by Nadia "Sister of Julia" Sawhalia, and featuring three contestants trying to find the correct answer from five or fewer options. Remembered mainly for the way the last round was a bit like JEOPARDY! This was an Irish import: if ITV wanted to stretch their audience's intellectual abilities, they should have bought GRIDLOCK.

YOU CAN COOK IT AS MANY WAYS AS YOU WANT, IT'S STILL THE SAME FORMAT: THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN

The show formerly known as BOB'S FULL HOUSE, then something with Shane Richie. Adding a play-at-home game that is totally unconnected with what's happening in the studio doesn't make it a new format.

HIATUS COULD BE A TENDER MERCY: (joint award) BIG BROTHER, WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
The fall of Millionaire has been well documented in these columns; suffice to say that the show has been over-done, and no amount of bending the rules will bring back glories so long as it remains a network fixture. Big Brother, meantime, will find it almost impossible to scale the heights of this summer. We've had round-the-clock coverage on E4. We've had as much of a romance as you can show. With the house coming down from its site in Bow, this could have been the best time to close the book on Big Brother, with everyone still wanting more.

OVERLOOKED CONTESTANT OF THE YEAR: Jackie off SURVIVOR
In the Million Pounds (Cash!) Finale, there's no room for being nice. A million pounds is a life changing amount of money. But one doesn't get to the final without making *some* achievement. It would, perhaps, have been appropriate for at least one of the final voters to give a nod in her direction. 7-0 did not do her justice.

PRESENTER OF THE YEAR: DAVINA McCALL
It wasn't just (CELEBRITY) BIG BROTHER that was transformed by McCall's unique style. OBLIVIOUS would have sunk without trace had la Davina not hosted, and DAVINA'S CLOSURE wouldn't have worked with any other presenter; and that's only partly because they'd have had to have another name. In addition to being the only presenter with spice and pizzazz, McCall fitted in a baby girl and a lot of photo shoots. She was also a very close second for...

THE CHRIS TARRANT AWARD FOR UBIQUITY: Anne Robinson If Weakest Link Daily wasn't enough, Anne popped up to do a weekly Weakest Link Primetime. Then she toddled across the Atlantic to make Weakest Link US. Add in the magazines, calendars, board games, computer games, and chocolates, and there could be no escape from...

CLICHE OF THE YEAR: You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

BEST MOMENT: Sara Lee and Ollie Norman in the maze, THE MOLE.
Eight contestants are asked to try to run round a maze cut in a field of maize, avoiding two Grunts in the maze. Come out the exit, and £15,000 is in the team kitty. Three other teams couldn't hack it. But Sara guides Ollie round the back of the Grunts, and after an agonising five seconds when he couldn't find the exit even though he only had to run forward, Ollie emerges from the maize richer, and causing producer Peter Davey to eat his hat.

This concludes the inaugural Weaver awards. The next column will be the still-in-progress INTERCEPTOR review. Until that hits your mailboxes, I'd like to wish you all a healthy and happy new year.